Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
