The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
