I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My vagina is officially offended.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dick very happy bro
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
