his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
