One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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