my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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