I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
