how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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