How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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