My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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