My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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