apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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