i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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