shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
