I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
