So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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