Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
