Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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