Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
