you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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