The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
