Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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