I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
