felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
