wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i out mim tonsoeep
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