he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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