If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
