yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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