I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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