i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
