Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Someone signed my nipple.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
