I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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