he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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