he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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