Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
