If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
