I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
