the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
