If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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