I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drunk is a universal language darling
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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