I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
