Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
