Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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