i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
