WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
