Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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