Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He passed out mid-signature
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
