I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
