Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
