yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
