He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
