this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
