I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
