im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
